You Don't Know, But Life Can Change

I love my life, despite there are areas that make me want to give up on myself. But I fight it every day, the mind is so unbelievable. My heart, however, is constantly on guard. What is it about the mind and the heart that makes it so incredible? I know that when the mind and heart come together they work in unison. It's a team effort to live and know. One of the things that I do is pray, I pray because I need to pray. It's one of those things that comes with living. Just recently I lost my job about a week ago. I am currently unemployed. I had my time to weep and be depressed for the moment and then gathered up my thoughts and my feelings. I have never experienced being terminated from my position at a job. It was definitely an experience to be in. Nothing like starting out at the age of fifty years old. But you know there is that notion that it was meant to be, all this amount of things was meant to be. Just like the current relationship that has developed. I am second thinking again, but in the beginning, I did pray for this thing. The thing that I have with Texas. I asked God to reveal whatever there is a problem. "If You God think that I shouldn't continue this for some reason or another, and if this man is not truly a man, can you do something about it and reveal it?" This prayer I requested of Him. 

With this prayer that I most often give Him and pray to Him always is answered. The amazing thing is that He reveals the man to me just as crystal clear as the fresh rivers of Glacier, MT. That is how my God works in my life. This blog entry is not meant to preach to you, that is not my position. However, when you live, you must have a meditation and a higher entity to live with. Mine is my Heavenly Father, God, He is the only one who I count on to reveal, answer, guide, and love me. Most important is His love for me. I am waiting still in the midst of it all. Lately, my gut feelings are and seem to come to fruition. When a man is a part of your life for maybe a month or so, things tend to unravel. Why can't honesty and truthfulness be where they are in life, especially with you. Instead of hiding it all. I would be honest and tell them yes, if this is a one-year thing then that means I can continue to date whomever. Lately, I know this guy is a true asshole, just like he says, he doesn't care about me. He absolutely does not give two shits to the wind for me. I understand that, and I can deal with that. I did like his charm and his kindness to me. I haven't had that in a very long time. Things change, but I am still waiting for God to reveal the hearts of men. I am always waiting on that particular area of a man. The heart. A man's heart is a complex thing to understand, the mind is also. But you know what is not complex? God's heart, is complete, no matter where you are right now in your life, He still loves you. Because He knows that sin is something that is difficult, especially in this horrible world we live in. I am not saying by any means that I am holier than thou. I am simply saying that I can't live without that knowing. 

It does make me excited to wait and see. I am in awe of Him answering my prayers and revealing things in a mighty way. It is incredible, so when I am in a relationship, He is my true guardian to the right one. He knows more than me, He knows that I know nothing and that no one has my back, other than Him. So living this life is actually not hard to live, yes you will have those moments where there are bumpy roads, but it tends to fade. The hardships of life fade away as the fresh morning sun shines into a brilliant light that has a fresh day to enjoy. That is exactly how life is. That is how we should live. It amazes me how that happens. I love it, I love that I have options, I am a single woman who has decisions to make on my own terms with God in it. I can never forget God. In this journey of being a single woman and dating, it does get easier to recognize and let go. I love that my life at my age has come to that. To be at the age of dealing with letting go of a guy and doing it eloquently. That is my prize. Being eloquent about life, and being humble in the process without being angry or spiteful to the man. Instead, love him as he leaves after letting him go. I guess the picture that I'm painting is me having a life that will last till the end of the week. So, it is like the thing that I stated as loving them as they go from me. That meant I had my time with him, then I moved on. I loved them before the death of a week. 

This concept is kind of hard to understand because, in a woman's life, the chemistry that we have is tender. Women have feelings that extend for thousands of miles. It is crazy to fathom, but it is true. I have feelings, but I have to tame them. My daddy has always told me to not go by feelings, but go by knowing. Be knowledgeable in life, the only time we should feel is when we are physically hurt with tormentil pain. This has been embedded into my brain, it has taken this long to be knowledgeable in exactly what that means. I have come to the conclusion now that taming my feelings is of the utmost importance in my life. Feelings are the culprit in not living the best life possible. I am not a psychologist, but I am a woman who has lived through plenty of bullshit to sniff out the ones that don't smell like roses. In time, we all learn, and everything always comes to fruition. That is my take on my journey as a fifty-year-old woman, let's live life eloquently and not forget God in it because He is the only one Who actually has your back.