Good Mornings and My Coffee

Days are getting shorter. I noticed the light in the morning is darker, and the evenings are getting shorter. Although the fun is about to end on longer days, having cooler mornings and much cooler days is nice. When I was a little girl living in Moab, UT, I was so excited the weather was getting cooler and colder. I loved bundling up warm and buying coats and jackets to wear at school; in Middle School and High School, I worked so I could buy whatever I wanted. I started working at the age of twelve years old. My parents loved that I worked because they didn't have to buy me anything. Anyway, I am getting off track. My favorite is how the weather changed from super hot to cool down. The coffee tastes better in the mornings, and my bed feels so much better with tons of blankets and pillows. The energy bill is the only thing I can't get better in my life. It gets high in cost in the summer, and then when winter hits, it is as costly as it was during the summer. A person living in America can't win these days. However, I am ecstatic about the Fall season. The sad and frustrating part is this particular season only lasts a minute during the year. I hope the Fall season stays longer. The other day, I was outside, and I didn't have to take off my jacket and feel like I was in a sauna. When I got into my car, the seats were not as hot as usual, and I didn't have to run my air conditioner. It was fantastic. 

Now that I have mentioned the change in seasons again, I decided to make myself a cup of buttered coffee this morning. Have you ever had a cup of buttered coffee? If you haven't, I suggest you make one. It is the best coffee drink in the world. I rate it better than a latte. The way I make it is I start with real butter (2 Tablespoons) in a blender, a teaspoon of any kind of coffee syrup, I always like to add some Stevia (1 heaping teaspoon), and lastly, my brewed coffee. Then you'll see the magic happens after blending it all together. The coffee turns into a beautiful froth, and it is yummy. This is my favorite to have during the Fall season. It is better than a Latte at Starbucks; that is my opinion. I had one cup this morning and then had my regular coffee. Yes, the Fall season is good, with the best coffee drink in the brisk mornings.

There is nothing better than having my friend from Texas return, and I got to see him last night. I was getting a bit lonely, but now I am better. However, I'll be lonelier when he leaves. I know I keep mentioning that notion. I hate to admit it, but it's true. I am at the moment choking back the tears. I know all this will be okay; I know my worth now. Being fifty, my Texan man, is my true lesson this year, and knowing that I should not be afraid of having a relationship. Isn't that something? I was so afraid of relationships that I was no longer afraid when I hit fifty. 

What is it about being at the age that I am at? Living this long at a half-century old, I love indicating that I am indeed a half-century old. It just makes me feel honored to live this long and finally learn the tricks of the trade. I mean, look at me; I was an alcoholic, and I'm kind of understanding the mechanisms of paying my bills. I have to say that I am very proud of myself. I am staying consistent in my blog, maybe because I love writing or because I feel something is missing. I was in a Master's program that required me to write constantly. Writing is a release from life, and it's my outlet to go about my day without thinking I am a loser. When I write in my blog, I feel like I am actually writing a book about my life and what I am doing in my life. I write about lessons to be learned and the age that I am at. I have always wanted to go on and on about myself in a blog. Again, I am laughing at what I just typed out. I have many thoughts in my brain; it is weird. My thoughts are all over the place. I have one area of my thoughts that is stirring with nothing but sex, and then another area stirring with what about my health. However, there's another part that is thinking about hoping to pass my Life and Health Insurance exam. But my current goal, besides getting laid, is to be confident and happy. Sometimes, I think there's something not right about me. I tell you what. I think it's because I'm Navajo. Never mind about my current goal. I think getting laid is my goal all the time. 

Every person is different; I think it is how they live in society. As a child, I was always intrigued by how people lived. At a young age, I was raised in a Christian home. I had a beautiful mother who was a model to me. She was to teach me the ways of being a woman; little did she know I was nothing like her. To be honestly true, my mother was better than me. She loved the Lord; she loved being obedient. Her desire was for her kids to have what she knew and who she was. Legalistically, it didn't work for me. I was always the rebellious one. I wanted to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, and have sex. I wanted to explore the effects of who I was, but then there were the guilty feelings of trying it or the consequences of being drunk. I don't remember my first time. I was so drunk one night that a guy took advantage of me and took my virginity away. Sometimes, I wished I remembered my first time when I was no longer a virgin. But I don't. Sometimes, when I think about it, I try to remember it, but it is shameful. I know I am not the only one who doesn't remember because I'm sure someone experienced the same thing. At any rate, it's what led me, I think, to be a sex mongrel. A monstrous woman with an appetite for one man in my life; who he is, I have no clue. But he has to be out there, the one for me till the end of my life. That is all I want. Society and women always have to state shit, like, "I don't need a man; women don't need a man in their lives. We are strong, independent women." I call bullshit on that. I would love a man to spend the rest of my life with. To have sex when I want it, not trying to search for it. Why search for it when you can have it at home? Yes, the toys that women purchase are fine and dandy. However, it's not the real thing. I have toys; they were a gift from the last guy I met, the one who drank too much. I have never had anything like that, EVER.

One night, after spending time with one another, he asked me if I use toys when I am with men. I let him know that I don't have any. I let him know that I have never had anything like that in my life. They were used on me, but I don't remember cause I blacked out after a night of drunkenness. He told me, "Get your clothes on; we're going to the sex shop." I looked at him and said, "Seriously?" He was so country he said, "Get yer ass going woman." I laughed at him, then said, "OOOO, this is going to be fun!" Yeah, I am not the typical pristine Christian woman. I struggle with trying to be godly and perfect like those women in church. In my eyes, that is how I see them. I know they struggle too. Anyway, yep, that was my gift from him that night. I know I mention this guy all the time. Something interesting about this man is that he opened me up to be a woman of confidence. I don't know why, actually, I do know why. I have this foopa, and I hate it. It is one of the less attractive things about me. At least, that is what I think. When I was with him, the second encounter, cause the first was a dud because he was intoxicated. I don't think he saw who I was; he had his drunk goggles on. So it was the second encounter when being with him. He literally took off my clothes in front of him. His eyes were hungry, and I was so insecure about my foopa. I took my dress and held it over my tummy. He told me, "No, stop that, you don't do that, don't cover up, you're sexy and hot." I am unsure, but after what he told me, I was confident enough to drop that dress and jump into bed with him. I felt so sexy that night. I was a new woman after that, and my foopa? I still hate it, but I am not that hateful about it anymore. It was his eyes that did it. If I can find eyes like his again, to be with me for the rest of my life. I think I would be content. I might want to kick his ass occasionally, but I would be content.