It's another day and this morning I was late waking up. But, I had my coffee and I think I am ready to go. While I was preparing my morning coffee, I was thinking of the men that I wrote about last night. One of the things that came to my mind was the ages of the men I’m attracted to. It used to be that I was attracted to younger men in their twenties, and thirties. I think I've finally, sort of matured to date within the range of my age. Forty-year-old men have a lot to offer, they seem to be laid back, they know what they want, they have experience, and they seem to have a drive that is really sexy. Grant it, some can be annoying, but overall they’re fun, I have yet to experience someone my own age, as I laugh and smile at this statement. I received a morning text message from the guy I am dating now. When relationships seem to be an idea, and it seems to be something that would be for the other person, not me... I have to admit I love his morning text messages. I love that he texts me and calls me "sweetheart" and I text back and call him "baby". It has been a moment, but this is a wonderful intimacy.
Knowing that this is temporary is good for me, I can understand that life goes on. I don't know if it's the sobriety that is making me have sense in life or if it's the age of myself. But I try not to take things so personally anymore. It used to be that it was exhausting, and very tasking to feel all the time and then get angry and then sad. I used to say, "Why can't I have a relationship with a real man?" I realized there is no such thing as a real man. A man in my mind was a fantasy of what I daydreamed about, there is no prince charming, or the perfect guy. I realized that men are human beings that have challenges as I do, they may handle it much better than me, but they are battling things I don't understand. When men don't message me back after I have messaged them, I tend to leave it silent and move on. I would like to keep my relationship with men after we meet. To keep it as long-lasting as possible, you never know, you might need them for something important. It's good to keep it kind of solid as possible.
There are a lot of challenges in living in today's world, the one thing that gets me is the fact that men are losing their place in this world. However, I get really happy when I see a man stand up for themselves and know exactly what they want. I suppose being an asshole isn't so bad, it keeps the country strong, I love a humble and strong man. It makes a sexy guy that I would want to be with for the rest of my life. I suppose I have always been attracted to funny, strong, beautiful assholish men. I am smiling while I am typing this line. I am thinking of the last two men I was with, currently the one of the two I'm dating. But, it's so enlightening to know that there are men that exist with this kind of trait.
If women totally understood men, it would be boring. Life would essentially be a boring space in the world. I don’t know much about men, I confess I do get frustrated with them, but I guess it is as it should be. I shouldn’t have to understand them, just love them as they are, and support them as much as possible. As you can see I love men, I really appreciate them a lot. Someday I hope that I can meet someone who is wonderful and makes me laugh and loves me till the end of time. It’s a dream of mine, and I am keeping it, and it will happen.
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