At my age now going to be a year older soon, the things that used to be, are now what it is. Does that make sense? You can't change a thing in life that occurs, you have to let it be. There have been so many times when I didn't let it go, at the time I was an alcoholic, so my substance abuse didn't help. It made me stupid and not think soberly. Growing up is the most challenging thing in a person's life, you would think an adult would be smart enough to know that. If you take a moment to think about it, we are all children and immature in living. I am guilty of looking at people and thinking they need to grow up when in all reality I NEED TO GROW UP. Having to sit back and realize that you're the one immature judging people, also it isn't our place to judge. My son always tells me that, when I complain of Taylor Swift or Nancy Pelosi... I am smiling typing this. He lets me know by rebuking me and letting me know it's dangerous to try to sit on the throne that isn't intended for you. I love my son, but he makes me feel like a total ass, however, I really appreciate my boy. Even though he is 20 years old he is so wise and knowledgable at his young age. I pray for my son's wife, I pray for her to be the partner that will complete him 100%. It's important to do as a parent. I do the same for my daughter, I pray for her husband, my son-in-law to be a God-fearing man, a man after God's own heart, I want him to be that way so he can take care of my daughter and my grandkids. I don't want my children to be like me, alone without a life partner. I want them to have what I have always wanted. I was blessed with a marriage, but it didn't work out, however, I am thankful because I wouldn't have had my son or my daughter.
There are a lot of lessons along the way of life, it is not easy to confess your sins, it's not easy to take the blame, and it isn't even easy to make choices to quit in life. I can tell you something about me, I am not a fighter for anyone, Meaning, men, I don't fight for men, instead I pray for them. It's a way to get through the ones left behind. It makes my life so much easier to pray for them. I pray a lot, I need to do this because the Bible tells me so. I try to read the Bible too, it helps in life to read the Book, do you remember the movie, Lonesome Dove? Gus, I love Gus, he is such a beautiful soul, and he makes my heart pitter-patter. Anyway, he is sitting by the campfire and just reading his Bible early in the morning drinking his coffee out of a tin cup. When his good friend comes up to him all riled up and unhappy, mocks him for sitting around. That Woodrow Crow is an old grumpy crow. But Gus, he's the man, has hardly any worries and he lives life like it was meant for him to live. If you haven't watched Lonesome Dove I suggest you set aside some hours and watch it, it's a good movie, or listen to the audiobook if you can't sit long enough to watch it. It amazes me that there are people out there who cannot sit too long to watch a movie! Or even sit and enjoy the scenery and the mountain air while fishing. I need to have a settled-minded person in my life, otherwise I'd go nuts! Some day, I will get what I have always wanted, in the meantime, I have to work out things for myself that I realize I need to do.
For me, it is important to measure the kind of person I am. Even after the separation of someone in my life who was there just for a brief moment. The thing about me is that I learned something about myself, and mind you, I have always tried to master the feeling of jealousy, and that is NOT BE JEALOUS. It's been a trial for me to defeat, even when I was married I was a jealous cat, I hissed at the women looking at my man, and I got ugly with my husband when he was at the bar without me. That was 24 years ago too! Even before my guy was my husband. Men are different, they seem to not get jealous, and maybe it's because they just care about the woman they are with. The last man never was jealous, it made me feel defeated that he matured more than me. Because I was the older one! Only by 2 years... aside from age, I apologize, I tend to go off in my writing. Last night, I woke up at 1:00 am in the morning and I could not go back to sleep, I sat in my bed and prayed and prayed, then I lay in my bed thinking about writing in my blog. My thoughts were, "I want to get up and write, but it's almost 2:00 am, and I need to rest." I finally laid myself to sleep, then I woke up late for work!!!! My usual time to wake up is 4:00 am in the morning. I love waking up early to sit and have my coffee and ponder, pray, and like Gus read the Good Book. But today I did not, my day is going to be a good day no matter what, I will believe that.
So I am sitting here in my living room, drinking my coffee, admiring my life, and being thankful for being me and waking up to another day. This is what life is all about, not about money or riches, or having the finest things in life, it's about being content with what you have. Being thankful every day that you get to be alive and breathe. Listen, life isn't easy, no one said it would be. Otherwise, life would be so boring that we'd be living like zombies. Have a great day, and be thankful for today.
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