What can I say about changes? Changes occur all the time in people's lives, I think it's a way to maximize the heart and the mind. It's never easy to not have someone in your life anymore. It's like a withdrawal state, every addiction to something or someone has a withdrawal period. Substance abuse has a period of withdrawal; through getting sick with vomit and severe headaches. Sugar is also an addiction for those who make a commitment to quit the substance out of their daily intake. It can produce severe headaches and nausea. Lastly, it can happen with people, it's those who you love so much that when it's gone, it's gone forever. Individuals go through a period of heartbreak, sometimes it includes not eating and just drinking water because at times it's the only thing that can help the stomach from vomiting. Individuals can through a period of crying and/or tearing up in the middle of the day or driving to work. It's the crying part that we live with to get through the withdrawal state. The withdrawal from no messages in the morning or night to begin and end your day, the messages of "I'm home now" or "let's hang out and have dinner" those messages are withdrawal states of getting over an addiction of someone. The love of substances and the addiction go hand in hand I think. When I quit drinking and the sugars I went through headaches and some nausea, it's not a good feeling. You don't think that it was a part of your life until it's out of your system. But in time, your mind, body, and soul get used to the fact that you can live without it and not miss it anymore.
The last few days are the building blocks of getting back to myself as I was before anyone entered my life. My children are so sweet to listen to me while I cry and get over it. They understand and they are such good kids that they know it takes time for mom to get over such a thing. For me, I should be better in the next month or so, if not then I'll have to deal with this thing to continue the trek of making my whole being whole again. Then guess what? I am giong to try again. That's what it's all about, trying again, making sure that hope is going to come to fruition. You never can give up on hope, it's essential to a happy life, and we all deserve happiness. I don't hate people, I just think they're stupid, I smile as I type those words. I think I'm stupid too! However, it's okay, it'll be good. I am looking forward to mountains in the summer and camping, I am going to fix my fishing reel to a fresh line to fish with and make sure my camping supplies are all ready to use. Thank God I have a van that I can run away with and escape from my mind and my heart. It's the one thing that God blessed me with, relief from life and then to enjoy his nature and comforts.
I have good thoughts to take with me, and good warm memories to cherish and take with me. It was a fun time to be with someone who was a good guy. I just hope and pray blessings on their lives to be greatly blessed, more blessed than mine. It was a good period in my life to have a short-term relationship, I appreciate it, and I learned from it. However, to understand why I am the way that I am, it's that one thing that made me double-minded and uncertain. I know in the past I have had some tough times being this way, I always wondered why I should be thankful for all the things I went through with men? Some of them were dishonest with me and treated me like shit. That is one memory I am dealing with, the thought of forgiving this one indecent man in my life that has given me a thorn in my side that I seem to keep. At times this particular man in my life from long ago, I can't bring myself to forgive. He's old now, he never liked me or my kids and treated us like trash. It hurts to think about it, but I need to forgive that rotten bastard of a man. It's tough to have to realize that, but it is essential to a peaceful living and being free from the past. I suppose that is the garbage I carry and it left me uncertain of good men in my life, it leaves me not to trust good men because I haven't dealt with the past of a rotten man. I need to, that way in the next relationship I won't be such a crazy, double-minded woman.
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