Here is the end of the year, where gift-giving continues, stress from loved ones trying to outdo one another, and trees are ready to be mulched for new creations in the Spring. I am not fond of the end of the year; there is always something that limits my joy of Christmas. This year again, my car was almost nothing. I was given the gift of no vehicle, and trying to work out the kinks with work and planning visits with clients. A car is often considered the most valuable possession in a person's life, especially when it helps generate income. However, I have some wonderful mechanic friends who have helped me. It is now getting repaired, and I am waiting without frustration. I am just thankful it will be running again, for the time being. Other than that limitation of no car, things are good. I have my job that I am so thankful for, I have my boyfriend who is still in my life, and my kids are healthy and have good jobs. Nothing beats that kind of life, right? My boyfriend, who is in Texas, is blessed with his job, and I am continuing my prayers for him.
My prayers for him are all that I have at the moment; he makes sure he checks in with my kids and me. One of the blessings is him. I am so thankful he is in my life. There are a lot of times when I get sad because I am not in his presence. I miss being in the same room as him, I miss standing beside him and watching him smoke his cigarette. I miss the way his hands touch mine, I miss the warmth of his skin, the details in the way his beard is corse and scrunchy. I miss his eyes, his eyes are so beautiful and so deep. It may seem crazy, but I miss how he lays in bed and I am laying with him, napping. I miss the snores when he sleeps. It is just the details of his presence I miss. There are moments I will picture him in my home, I picture him and Maggie hanging out in my home, and us lying together with Greyson in my bed watching TV and napping all day long. I picture myself making him breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I hope someday he and Maggie will visit and stay with us.
This year is another year where I am not going to celebrate the New Year with him; it is actually my dream to spend a holiday with him. But in time it will happen; our plans for us are uncertain, as they always are. However, I am going to be patient; I do enjoy the video chats every night. I love the text messages in the mornings that get my day started off beautifully. It is the only thing that keeps me hanging on and praying for him to continue in my life. Long-distance relationships are not for those who get lonely and need that presence of physical presence. Trust is the hardest for most. It used to be that I didn't trust enough; of course, the experience of betrayal was the one thing that kept me thinking that long distance was a bad idea. My love has made it comfortable for me. I love him so much for his heart and his trust, even in me. In the beginning, the unknown was exciting and scary. It has been so wonderful, he is one I don't think I can live without. I know I can't, I will be the saddest Navajo in my tribe. Fry bread and stew would not make me happy, even with green chili. That is how sad I would be if he were not in my life. I continue to pray over him, for favor in his job, for blessings beyond all comprehension, for what he desires that is right and justifiable in the eyes of the Lord. I know the Lord hears my prayers, because all that i pray for is answered before my eyes.
